What Would Jesus See

While making lunch the other day, Francisco Cecena of Indio, California, sliced a radish in half as he’s done many times before. But this time, he noticed what looked to him to be the image of the Virgin Mary on the inside of the radish. This isn’t the first time he’s seen this image, though it is the first time it was in a vegetable. He says he’s previously seen the Virgin Mary on a rock and on also on his driveway. He claims the miracle of the radish has filled him with renewed faith. As opposed to the other times, we guess.

People have been flocking to Nobsa, in Boyaca, central Colombia, to check out a patch of algae growing under a leaking pipe that they say looks like the Virgin Mary. It was discovered by a local boy who his mother says , “Crossed the bridge when he heard a sound, as if there were a small animal trapped there. When he turned to look, my son saw the image of the Blessed Virgin of Guadalupe. He says that he immediately walked through the stream and began to take pictures of the image. At that moment, the image moved, and he was afraid. He knelt and prayed and then he ran out to tell me. I was in the warehouse and I went to check it with my own eyes because initially I did not believe him. But it turned out to be true.”

Word of the appearance spread quickly and people traveled to see the miracle. Hugo Fuertes told Colombian media, “The people there were shocked, almost paralyzed. The news spread everywhere, and began the procession of people praying the holy rosary to the image of the Virgin.”

The local church, meanwhile, has asked people to wait for the miracle to be certified. Father Victor Leguizamon said, “When there is an apparition, one must act prudently until the competent authority certifies the authenticity.”

He didn’t elaborate on who the competent authority is, what procedure he or she will follow, and how to act prudently other than, of course, contacting the media.

Maureen Kent has been attending Eucharistic at Our Lady of Perpetual Help in Glenview, Illinois, –uh, religiously — for more than two years. Recently, while kneeling and praying, she decided she wanted a picture of the eucharist laying in the ornate gold stand it’s placed in. She pulled out her iPhone, snapped a pic, and when she looked at it was shocked to see a bright light in the photo that appears to be hovering next to the host on the altar. A bright light they say is in the shape of the Virgin Mary watching over the host, or body of her son. According to Rare Chicago, Maureen swears there were no filters, Photoshop, or digital manipulation of any kind.  She and her fellow parishioners are calling it a miraculous moment and feel privileged to have seen it. There’s even a 34-minute YouTube video about this still image photo.

An image of the Virgin Mary holding the baby Jesus recently appeared on a rock outside the Kenyan village of Kaila. “I have been here for more than 30 years,” Pamela Atieno said. “This is the place I am married, but I had never seen the image of Mary.”

Once word got out, people quickly made the pilgrimage, travelling all the way from Kisumu, Bondo and Luanda to view the rock that is believed to be a sign that good fortunes are coming to the area. The faithful camped at the foot of the rock, conducting masses, singing praises, reciting the rosary, and in some cases, speaking in tongues. They also lit candles around the rock and burned incense to celebrate the “miracle.”

Some residents were quick to politicize the “miracle,” saying it is a good sign for the gubernatorial ambitions of Prof Anyang Nyong’o, demonstrating that rampant politicization is a global epidemic..

A man who goes by the eBay name Zenteraman recently bought a new Ibanez PGM80P Paul Gilbert Signature electric guitar. After playing it for several hours over the course of 3 days and playing one gig of unspecified genre using it, he noticed what looked to him to be the image of the Virgin Mary holding baby Jesus. He decided that the guitar is a miracle so of course he put the $1,399 barely used instrument on eBay for the asking price of $10,000. Plus $500 shipping, “so that I can use the most premium shipping service possible and crate it for maximum rotection.” But wait! There’s more! If you voted for Trump you’ll get a $1,000 discount. On the other hand, if you voted for Clinton there will be a  $666 surcharge. No mention of having to take a lie detector test about your political leaning so you’re on your own. Image or no image, it’s a beautiful instrument no matter whether you play Highway to Hell or Stairway to Heaven.

NOTE: In case the eBay page comes down, it’s been quoted here